The Dark Place in my soul

There is a dark place deep inside of me. This is a place so deep it is seldom seen or heard from. It’s a place I don’t want to acknowledge is even there.

I have spent a lifetime trying to deny the existence of this place and have expended vast amounts of energy attempting to hide it from any outside eyes.

From time to time this dark place attempts to expand beyond it’s place of residence. At these times, the darkness bursts forth like a long sleeping volcano, erupting into the open and covering all who are near me.

It wasn’t until recently that I could even put a name on it. I have wrestled with this darkness and it has limited my ability to fully love and grow.

If we are fully honest with ourselves, we will all, at minimum, feel pangs of guilt around the fact that we all have a dark place in our soul.

I recently experienced one of these eruptions. After months of seeing friends and those I respect experience financial strain, family and health problems, and even job loss, the darkness of the deepest part of my soul washed over my wife and filed my home with a fog of bitter emotion.

In the midst of the devastation, as I sulked in a remote part of our house, God showed me something incredible.

In Psalms 139:12, King David noted;“even the darkness will not be dark to you, the night will shine like the day, for darkness is light to you.”

He, God, sees us in our darkness just as if we are in the light. He sees the intentions of our heart and in His love He sends his healing light to us, as in Psalms 31:16; “Let your face shine on your servant, save me in your unfailing love.” The eruption from the dark place in my soul was intended to destroy me and my relationship with those I love. Because of my continuing walk with God, it only succeeded in creating a few cracks in my human psyche.  
The lyrics of the Leonard Cohen song “Anthem”, reveal a spiritual truth:
Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That’s how the light gets in 

Through the crack in my feeble psyche, God enters with His healing light and the dark place in my soul is constantly burned away, giving way to His great light.

En servicio como padre

Dave

 

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7 Responses to “The Dark Place in my soul”


  1. 1 Philippa February 11, 2009 at 6:38 PM

    thanks for your honesty. Yes, I think we do all have those dark places where it’s damp, moldy and smells, and we won’t let anyone in.

    In Matthew 6:22-23 Jesus says, “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are bad, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!”

    To me, this describes our outlook on life. Depression, the dark places in our soul, or other challenges we face in our faith are all things we will encounter. Our outlook – our conscious decision to follow and trust in God and to lead our heart in that action – will (eventually) lead us back into His joy. But the part “if the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” – really spoke to me.

    I hope you come through the valley firmly holding God’s hand. Remember, Romans 8 follows Romans 7!

    Like

    • 2 David February 11, 2009 at 6:51 PM

      Good words, one of he hardest things for me to overcome in my journey was the guilt placed on me through religious people who said if you aren’t full of joy all the time you must not be following Jesus. This created a great deal of pride and false humility to cover the guild induced by well meaning people. I am not depressed, just the opposite, it is for the love of Christ that I recognize the attack of the enemy that pulls that darkness from our past and tries to beat us with it. I hoped people would see that God often uses the darkest part of our past to create opportunity to further bring healing to our wounded heart. When we fail, and we will, He is there to bring His light into our deepest soul to heal and restore.

      Like

  2. 3 William Cody Bateman February 12, 2009 at 2:38 PM

    That “light” you refer to is the Word of God! Kudos!

    Like

  3. 4 leniinspired February 20, 2009 at 10:33 PM

    I plan to visit you again…

    Like

  4. 5 Darin February 21, 2009 at 12:52 AM

    I was recently told by a pastor that I was having lunch with, that in the American Christian church we have been taught that you believe and then spend the rest of your life trying to be good. He said that is one of the biggest issues he deals with among the people he deals with that it is not about us being good, but allowing Christ to give us the strength to become more like Him and for Him to accomplish His will through us. WE can’t do anything on our own, especially be good.

    Thanks for your sharing here.

    Like

  5. 6 leniinspired March 5, 2009 at 11:15 PM

    I believe that there is a time for forgiveness and renewal. Please, do not be hard on yourself.

    Move on…with your beliefs and values today. Be a padre and a friend.

    Based on your writing, it sounds very dark.

    Please, move on…

    Like

    • 7 David March 6, 2009 at 7:52 PM

      Once again the light of Christ enters through the cracks in the hard exterior we build around ourselves. It is not forgiveness that I need. I am already forgiven. This writing is intended to help those who may be engulfed in their own time of darkness to understand that there is a purpose. Even when we think we have arrived at that point in our spiritual walk that we think we are beyond the battles, the enemy will still attack those things in us that we have not yet addressed. It is OK, Jesus is there to help us get beyond the darkness and bring His light to heal and restore.

      Like


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